A Wanted Lullaby
by Onomatopoeiafloon
Summary: Hollyreign's insanity drove her to hating her own kit, Doomkit, and murdering him...but not before depraiving him of the love he craved from her. Even after being murdered, he longs for her love more than anything. For her lullaby, to sing him to sleep..


Disclaimer:

_All of these characters happen to be mine. Steal any of them and I will tear you to pieces. Warriors isn't mine, and neither is the beautiful song by Celine Dion_

_**A short story…**_

_**Based on the song Precious One by Celine Dion.**_

_**Doomkit is the twin brother to my WC OC Ficklestar, who watched his mother murder…well, Doomkit. His mother was driven insane with grief over the death of her mate, Nativebrush, who was struck by lightning. Convinced that her son's resemblance to the deceased tom was an omen, the she-cat took fate into her own paws and threw the tomkit off of the gorge…**_

_**Even after being killed by her there was only one thing Doomkit wanted…to be loved by his mother. This is a story that shows his pain, and his want to be loved by the she-cat who hated him enough to take his very life.**_

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_A Wanted Lullaby_

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_**My precious one, my tiny one, lay down your pretty head.**_

_**My dearest one my sleepy one, it's time to go to bed**_

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The world of starlight and wonder…it's what many cats dreamed of. What many wanted to come to in life. This…this place, they wanted to be here. Yet as the starry little kitten padded along the paths, slowly following a cat that looked exactly like him but larger in size, he had no love for this place. He held no wonder.

"Keep up, Doomkit." The tom meowed gently. This cat…he was his father. Nativebrush, a tom that had been killed by the elements themselves. He cast a glance over his shoulder, "Son…I love you. You know this now. I've watched you and Ficklekit grown with all the pride in my heart."

Tears stung his eyes as he looked away.

It was all well and good, that Nativebrush loved him. But it didn't fix things. Didn't fill a hole that had opened up in his heart the moment his mother had made it clear…

Made it clear that she hated him so very much that she couldn't bear the thought of him living. That's why she threw him over the edge of the gorge. That's why he was here. That's why he was dead. Tears spilled from his eyes.

No, he didn't want Nativebrush's love.

He wanted Hollyreign's.

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_**My precious one my darling one don't let your lashes weep.**_

_**My cherished one my weary one it's time to go to sleep.**_

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The nursery, before his death. Doomkit was huddled in the corner of the den. His blue eyes were closed, and he was shivering from the cold. At the time, Hollyreign was the only queen in the nursery. Hers were the only kits.

She wouldn't let him sleep with her. He was shivering so hard. He opened his eyes, watched with a hurting heart as the she-cat rasped her tongue over the dappled tortoiseshell pelt of his brother. A whispered word in the tom's ear.

He wanted that. To be warm. To be…loved.

That's why he had to work. That's why he had to become stronger. So his mother would love him. He'd be like Blackblizzard. She'd rasp her tongue lovingly over his head one day. He wanted it so very badly.

"I love you Ficklekit." Hollyreign meowed gently.

"Love you Momma…" Ficklekit murmured.

Silence filled the den. Tears streamed down Doomkit's face, he curled into a small ball. Very softly, because he knew she'd yell at him if she heard it, he meowed, "I love you Momma."

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_**Just lie your head and give your cares to me.**_

_**Just close your eyes and fall into the sweetest dream, cause in my loving arms.**_

_**Your safe as you will ever be so hush my dear and sleep**_

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"You MOUSE-BRAIN!" Hollyreign shrieked, her claws slashing at him. Doomkit winced, but she didn't actually physically strike him. She may as well have, for the hole her disappointment in him opened up in his heart.

"I'm sorry Momma…" Doomkit whimpered, cowering.

"Don't be mad at him, I'm the one that did it!" Ficklekit meowed. Hollyreign glared at the little tom sternly, but he didn't back down beneath those burning yellow gold eyes. "If you're gonna punish him…then…then punish me too!"

"Ficklekit…" Doomkit protested. Hollyreign looked annoyed, and turned over in the nest.

"Stay away from the nest Doomkit, you hear me? If I catch your filthy stench in these branches I'll have you cleaning the Elder's den for the rest of your pathetic life." Hollyreign meowed, without looking at him. "Ficklekit, come!"

"Bu…" Ficklekit started, Doomkit shook his head, and motioned for his brother to go. After a moment Ficklekit crawled into the bed, looking at Doomkit over his shoulder.

"Love you Ficklekit." Hollyreign purred.

The den was filled with silence. And as the tears inevitably came Doomkit found himself thinking, _What's wrong with me? Why don't you love me too? Why don't you love me too?_

There was no answer for the young tomcat.

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_**And in your dreams you'll ride on angel's wings.**_

_**That's when the stars will touch the face of God... **_

_**And if you should awake**_

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"Mom used to sing us lullabies, you remember Kindredheart?" Windywhisker, their older sister, meowed very softly. Kindredheart nodded her dappled head, blue eyes glowing with the memory as their piebald brother stopped by.

"Oh yeah, remember how I couldn't sleep after going into the apprentices den?" He purred at the memory, unashamed of the need for the lullaby. Doomkit tipped his head to one side.

"What's a lullaby?" He meowed.

"Yeah." Ficklekit echoed.

"Oh you're kidding, she hasn't sung one to you guys yet? Ask her tonight, I'm sure she will." Kindredheart meowed, her ears twitching a little. "It's like…like a story, but specially for you. And it sounds almost like birdsong…"

"She chirps?" Ficklekit meowed.

"No, it's got…the same kind of melody." Blackblizzard twitched his ears, "Someone said she learned it from a loner."

"It was her special way of showing us she loved us." Kindredheart meowed softly. Windywhisker sighed at the memory, and Blackblizzard smiled a little. Ficklekit snorted, and said something about that sounding stupid.

But…Doomkit wanted a lullaby. He wanted it. A special love from Hollyreign.

He wandered into the nursery, softly, carefully…the little tom inched forward. "Momma…" Doomkit meowed. The she-cat's eyes snapped up. Doomkit quailed, but somehow found the strength, the courage, not to back down.

"Can…can you sing me…a lullaby." Doomkit meowed.

His mother's eyes bore into his for a moment, she looked surprised at first, and then her nose wrinkled with scorn. Claws squeezed Doomkit's heart even an instant before the she-cat spat, "Never. Not even if my life depended on it. Get away from me."

The kitten slunk away into the corner of the den, and began to weep. After awhile he felt a gentle rasping about his ears, and Ficklekit's warm tortoiseshell pelt was pressed against his own. Doomkit sobbed openly, all the hurt coming out.

"I love her so much." He cried, his heart breaking inside. "But I'm not good enough for her. I'll NEVER be good enough for her. Ficklekit…Ficklekit what am I doing wrong?"

"You're not doing anything wrong." Ficklekit meowed, his tone gentle. "Doomkit…it's not you. Hollyreign's the wrong one. And as long as she doesn't love you…I…I won't love her."

"Don't, don't. Momma's so kind and beautiful. The whole Clan loves her." Doomkit meowed, "Please don't Ficklekit I love Momma. Don't do that, it'll hurt her."

"She hates you, she treats you like dirt." Ficklekit hissed.

"But I love her. She's my Mommy. I love her. I want her to love me." Doomkit wailed, and cried. Ficklekit stayed silent for a moment, before resuming his quiet grooming of Doomkit's ears. It didn't help. Somehow Doomkit didn't think it ever would.

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_**My precious one, my tiny one**_

_**I'll kiss your little cheek**_

_**And underneath the smiling moon**_

_**I'll send you back to sleep**_

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Again in the world of the stars, after his plummet into the churning waters of the gorge. He sat next to Windywhisker and Kindredheart. Both having recently joined the ranks of starry warriors. Kindredheart was pacing, clear worry on her face.

"What if they don't let her in?" Kindredheart meowed.

"She was not in her right head." Windywhisker said gently. Her tone directed at Doomkit. He knew. His mother had been driven mad with grief. The she-cat that raised him wasn't the same she-cat his father fell in love with. Wasn't the same she-cat that raised Kindredheart, Windywhisker and Blackblizzard on lullabies.

Nativebrush's death broke more than her heart. Her very mind shattered with it, and she had become a dangerous and murderous creature. Convinced that Doomkit was a demon. She'd even attacked Ficklekit, now Ficklepaw, after Doomkit's murder.

His stomach clenched as his father lead a starry she-cat into the ranks. Cats hissed at her, but she was leaned against Nativebrush. Drinking him in, so close that their starlight mingled. Then, as they drew closer, Windywhisker and Kindredheart ran to the she-cat. Greeted her.

Doomkit hung back, so unsure of himself.

He still wanted her love, even after moons in StarClan. Even after being murdered by her. But did…did she still hate him. Hollyreign's golden eyes suddenly looked up. Latched onto Doomkit. Their family stepped back.

Hollyreign walked forward, her eyes never leaving him. Doomkit flinched when she suddenly rushed him, and felt bewilderment flood him as he realized she wasn't attacking him. She was licking him. Rasping her tongue over his ears, and…and…

"You're crying…Momma…" Doomkit meowed.

"Words can't describe…" Hollyreign wept, her nose resting softly against his head. "Words can never describe how…how sorry I am Doomkit. Oh darling, I'm so sorry. For all that I ever put you through…for…for…"

"It…it's okay Momma." Doomkit meowed, and it was. It was, in his heart. He loved her. He would always love her. She was his mother. His mommy. He could never hate her. Hollyreign sobbed, and the other's left. It was just them together, and still the she-cat continued to cry.

"I hurt you so much." Hollyreign meowed. "My own baby."

"You didn't mean it." Doomkit meowed. She pulled away from him, her tail tilting his face up. His tears were clear to see, flowing from his eyes in waves. Hollyreign was crying too. Softly, she pulled him close to her.

"My precious one, my tiny one, lay down your pretty head. My dearest one my sleepy one, it's time to go to bed." Hollyreign's words came out different, in a way that Doomkit had never heard before. It was beautiful.

"Momma…" Doomkit said, tears filling his eyes again.

"My precious one my darling one, don't let your lashes weep. My cherished one, my weary one it's time to go to sleep." Hollyreign wrapped her tail around him. "Just lie your head and give your cares to me. Just close your eyes and fall into the sweetest dream…cause in my loving arms… Your safe as you will ever be so hush my dear and sleep."

He was feeling strangely tired. So warm inside, as she started to sway a little. The rocking motion had the little tom closing his eyes. Finally, that little hole deep in his heart…it felt…like it was filling up. Even as the tears splashed endlessly on his head from the singing she-cat, he found himself drifting into sleep.

"And in your dreams you'll ride on angel's wings. That's when the stars will touch the face of God... " Hollyreign licked his face, "And if you should awake…my precious one. My tiny one. I'll kiss your little cheek. And underneath the smiling moon…I'll send you back to sleep…"

Hollyreign softly licked his head. If ever there was a cat that thought she had killed him for hatred, and not in her insanity, they were proven wrong. Never had there been so much pain in one she-cat's eyes. It seemed to leak into the starry world around them, touching everything but the sleeping kit curled next to her belly.

"I love you." Hollyreign meowed. Her tone soft. "I'll always love you, Doomkit."

"I love you too, Momma." Doomkit murmured. Hollyreign started to hum again. And the stars heard her gentle lullaby, and for a moment there was peace…and love.

Yes, there was love.

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_**Well **__**I**__** cried**_

_**Don't know about you.**_

_**-sob-**_

_**So sad…**_

_**R&R?**_


End file.
